PMDD: The Illness That Lies About Getting Better

Living with chronic illness is not a neat story with a happy ending. It is a messy, repeating loop. One week you are on the floor, unable to move. The next week you are back at work, acting fine. I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD. It is a severe form of premenstrual illness. It causes depression, anger, and even suicidal thoughts. Symptoms appear in the week or two before menstruation. Then they vanish. Most illness narratives promise progress. They describe a journey from sickness to health. But my condition does not work that way. I am always either in the throes of illness, just coming out of it, or about to enter it again. There is no permanent "better." Accepting this broken narrative gave me a strange kind of hope. I stopped waiting for a cure. I learned to manage. [This article is adapted from a personal account by Emma Hardy.]